Is Your teen’s Drive Actually Anxiety? A Lancaster, PA Coach’s Take on Academic Perfectionism

If you drive past the high schools in Manheim Township, Hempfield, or Lampeter-Strasburg at 7:00 AM, the parking lots are already full. We live in a county that values hard work. It’s in our DNA here in Lancaster.

But lately, I’ve noticed a shift in the teens sitting on my couch in East Petersburg.

They aren't just hard workers. They are exhausted. They’re staying up until 1:00 AM rewriting notes that are already legible. They are having meltdowns over an A-minus.

As parents, we want them to succeed. But we have to ask the hard question: Is this healthy drive, or is it high-functioning anxiety?

The "Perfect" Trap

In my coaching practice, I often see teens who look fine on paper. They have the grades, the activities, and the friends. But internally, they are running on pure adrenaline.

When that drive crosses the line into anxiety, it’s no longer about doing well. It’s about safety. Their brain has convinced them that getting a B isn't just a bummer—it’s a threat to their survival.

It’s Not Drama, It’s Biology

When your teen is spiraling over a test, telling them "it's not a big deal" doesn't work. Why? Because their nervous system is in Fight or Flight mode.

Their body is flooded with cortisol. Their logic center (the prefrontal cortex) has literally gone offline. They physically cannot hear your logic until their body calms down.

Know How They’re Wired

In the first phase of my framework, The Stand Strong System, I help teens learn how to Know Themselves. One step is identifying how they are wired to view the world. I do this through Enneagram Typing.

Often, these teens fit the profile of the Enneagram Type 1 (The Perfectionist) or Type 3 (The Achiever). They believe a lie that says: I am only worthy if I am succeeding.

I often hear, “So I’m not broken?” No, sweet thing, you are not! They just have to learn how to wield their superpower in a way that builds them up, not tears them down.

That gives us a strong foundation to move towards cooling their nervous system and giving themselves grace.

The Gap Between School and Therapy

If you are seeing these signs in your teen, you might have already called a few therapists in Lancaster only to hear, "We have a 6-month waitlist."

This is where Teen Life Coaching fills the gap.

I don't need a diagnosis to start building skills. I work on the "How"—How to regulate that stress, how to advocate for themselves with teachers, and how to separate their worth from their grades.

Let’s Get Your Teen Back

Your teen doesn't have to choose between success and sanity. They can have both.

If you are tired of the late-night tears and the pressure-cooker environment, let’s chat. I offer in-person coaching right here in East Petersburg (and virtually to those not local) to help your teen stand strong against the pressure.

Book a free chat to see if the Stand Strong System is right for your teen.